Keeping Your New Year's Resolution

New Year’s Eve is my favorite holiday! It always has been for me because it represents newness, change, and overall opportunity!  

I recently designed a workshop for an organization on setting goals. As I was working on it, I was thinking of all the goals people are going to set in the next couple weeks as 2017 approaches. Sources such as Forbes and US News tell us that between 80%-92% of people who set New Year’s resolutions fail. That leaves only 8%-20% who succeed at accomplishing their goal. Many people have speculated on the reasons for failure and success. My experience – both personally and as a witness to my coaching clients – tells me that waning motivation is one of the biggest reasons we don’t see our goals through to the finish line. (Another big one is our limiting beliefs. That’s for another day.)

People get excited at the thought of the end result of their goal, so they set it with high hopes. Many believe that if they work hard they will persevere. Sometimes powering through to the end works, and most often it’s not enough. As time passes, we set our sights on other important aspects of our lives, and our original goal gets diluted. It’s suddenly not the most important thing for us to do this year. 

Another big reason is some sort of catastrophe or difficulty that pops up in our life. We get distracted by what’s required to get through it, and we leave behind that which we thought earlier would be the most significant way to move our life forward. This reason is easily accepted because everyone understands tragic circumstances, and we get validated for ignoring our goal. This can be dangerous – what we need most in challenging times is support to keep moving ahead.

So how can we keep our motivation keyed up? I spend a lot of time with my coaching clients getting them to go deeper into their desires. They state what they want - let’s say it’s to lose weight. Great - how much weight? By when? We get more specific with their goal by using the S.M.A.R.T. goal method. Then, the most imperative step in the goal-setting process is having them answer WHY? Why this goal? What will it give them in their life? Most of the time they haven’t thought deeply enough. I’ll get answers like, “because I’m overweight,” or “I want to be healthier,” or “I want to wear that great dress I bought six years ago.”  These are fine responses, and they are not enough. I keep pressing with more questions. Eventually I’ll get to conversations around a deeper desire to be intimate again or a fear of dying before they meet their grandchildren. These reasons are far more likely to keep a person engaged and motivated than the first round of responses. 

The key to success is keeping these longings in the forefront of our minds. I’ll suggest to my clients that they keep some sort of physical representation of the resulting goal with them at all times. This may be a small photo or trinket they can carry in their pocket every day. Or maybe they make their phone wallpaper a photo that reminds them, so they see it all throughout the day. Of course there is a lot more to putting structures in place for people to succeed in meeting their goals; I’m addressing only the motivation piece in this article. So keep setting goals! They stretch us and make us better than if we hadn’t set them. And be sure to get the support you need so you can be really clear about your motivating factors. Happy New Year!

Are we talking about self-discipline or commitment?

Recently, several of my clients have expressed concern about whether or not they are disciplined enough to follow through on the necessary steps to meet their goals.  We think about self-discipline every day, don’t we? I do when I set my alarm a little earlier so I have time for exercise before I start my day, or when I hunker down and do my least favorite work, or as I go through my morning and evening routines with my kids.  Self-discipline has become such a common phrase though that I believe it has been diluted. It has lost much of its meaning, or perhaps we don’t really mean what we think we do when we use it. For many, it’s an excuse for not doing what we intend to do.  It’s so easy to say, “I don’t think I have the self-discipline to do that.” We fail before we begin!

I believe the issue is really about commitment, not discipline.  I’ll bet we can think of many times in our lives when we have exercised self-discipline.  Many of us have lost 20 pounds or more by being disciplined.  I know many people who started a business, and that took a lot of discipline.  Most of us have a job that we get up and do every day.  All of these are proof that we do indeed possess the ability to be disciplined, so the question we need to ask ourselves is: 

“Am I committed enough to the end result to exercise the discipline I know I am capable of?”

This is what I ask my clients - What’s it really worth to you to get to your end result?  How will it impact your life when you’ve written that book or lost that 50 pounds? Answering these questions help us connect with our own level of commitment. Discipline requires a focus that we’ll end up redirecting if our commitment is not great enough. For instance, I am committed to strengthening my muscles and having a healthy back. If my commitment is not strong enough to motivate me to wake up an hour early to exercise, I will turn my focus instead to staying up late the night before or sleeping in. Neither action is wrong. It is simply a choice. And I say, choose powerfully!  Make choices that best support the quality of life you want. 

Go back and answer the question, “What’s it worth to you?” Create a reminder for your answer, such as a photo or trinket you carry in your pocket or a pop-up reminder on your phone. Find something visual that will bring you back to how your life will be better once you achieve your goal. Remind yourself why you are committed to doing what it takes.  Recommit to your goals regularly – it could be hourly, daily, weekly – and your self-discipline will follow naturally.