Keeping Your New Year's Resolution

New Year’s Eve is my favorite holiday! It always has been for me because it represents newness, change, and overall opportunity!  

I recently designed a workshop for an organization on setting goals. As I was working on it, I was thinking of all the goals people are going to set in the next couple weeks as 2017 approaches. Sources such as Forbes and US News tell us that between 80%-92% of people who set New Year’s resolutions fail. That leaves only 8%-20% who succeed at accomplishing their goal. Many people have speculated on the reasons for failure and success. My experience – both personally and as a witness to my coaching clients – tells me that waning motivation is one of the biggest reasons we don’t see our goals through to the finish line. (Another big one is our limiting beliefs. That’s for another day.)

People get excited at the thought of the end result of their goal, so they set it with high hopes. Many believe that if they work hard they will persevere. Sometimes powering through to the end works, and most often it’s not enough. As time passes, we set our sights on other important aspects of our lives, and our original goal gets diluted. It’s suddenly not the most important thing for us to do this year. 

Another big reason is some sort of catastrophe or difficulty that pops up in our life. We get distracted by what’s required to get through it, and we leave behind that which we thought earlier would be the most significant way to move our life forward. This reason is easily accepted because everyone understands tragic circumstances, and we get validated for ignoring our goal. This can be dangerous – what we need most in challenging times is support to keep moving ahead.

So how can we keep our motivation keyed up? I spend a lot of time with my coaching clients getting them to go deeper into their desires. They state what they want - let’s say it’s to lose weight. Great - how much weight? By when? We get more specific with their goal by using the S.M.A.R.T. goal method. Then, the most imperative step in the goal-setting process is having them answer WHY? Why this goal? What will it give them in their life? Most of the time they haven’t thought deeply enough. I’ll get answers like, “because I’m overweight,” or “I want to be healthier,” or “I want to wear that great dress I bought six years ago.”  These are fine responses, and they are not enough. I keep pressing with more questions. Eventually I’ll get to conversations around a deeper desire to be intimate again or a fear of dying before they meet their grandchildren. These reasons are far more likely to keep a person engaged and motivated than the first round of responses. 

The key to success is keeping these longings in the forefront of our minds. I’ll suggest to my clients that they keep some sort of physical representation of the resulting goal with them at all times. This may be a small photo or trinket they can carry in their pocket every day. Or maybe they make their phone wallpaper a photo that reminds them, so they see it all throughout the day. Of course there is a lot more to putting structures in place for people to succeed in meeting their goals; I’m addressing only the motivation piece in this article. So keep setting goals! They stretch us and make us better than if we hadn’t set them. And be sure to get the support you need so you can be really clear about your motivating factors. Happy New Year!

The Mind-Body Connection According to Medical Doctors

Recently I read two books, Quantum Healing:Exploring the Frontiers of Mind/Body Medicine by Deepak Chopra, MD and Healing Back Pain:The Mind-Body Connection, by John E. Sarno, MD. I am encouraged reading what medical doctors have to say about the power of the mind. 

In Quantum Healing, Dr. Chopra is interested in spontaneous cures of cancer. Dr. Sarno focused on back pain, as his book title implies, specifically TMS or Tension Myositis Syndrome. The underlying premise in both books is that our thoughts – the mind – have the power to both cause disease and heal the body. This is not a new concept to most of us, and certainly not to me, as I grew up with this way of thinking. What is new is hearing medical doctors profess the power of the mind in the healing of the body and reading their studies on how some health problems are not necessarily caused by the physical.

Dr. Chopra’s writing was at times a bit technical for me (definitely not a light read, and well worth the time), and I appreciated its usefulness, especially for readers with formal medical training. His case studies were what really captivated my attention. Many of his patients were skeptical at the beginning, and after successful (and swift!) treatment, they were healed. Dr. Chopra usually sees people at his clinic outside Boston, where they leave their stress behind, enjoy a healthy diet for their particular body type, meditate, receive massage treatments prescribed by Ayurveda...all working to eliminate their bodies of toxins. It is in this environment that their bodies are able to heal. These are people with serious diseases such as cancer, severe anemia, and the like.

Reading Quantum Healing was a powerful reminder of the importance of keeping our thoughts in check. Then after reading Healing Back Pain, I was able to apply what I learned to a condition of my own. As Dr. Sarno recaps: 

It begins with certain emotional states that set in motion activity within the central nervous system, specifically the autonomic system, resulting in local vasoconstriction and mild oxygen deprivation of certain muscles, nerves, tendons, and ligament. This oxygen lack is responsible for the pain that is the primary manifestation of TMS and the possibility of sensory abnormalities (numbness, pins & needles) and motor deficits such as weakness or tendon reflex changes.

About eight months prior to reading these books, I developed severe left shoulder pain. I told everyone (including myself) I injured my shoulder while exercising and that it was also a re-injury from an incident 20 years prior. It was bad - I could not use my left arm. I opened my car door by reaching over with my right arm. I couldn’t carry groceries or even lift my arm to point. While reading Dr. Sarno’s book, it became clear to me that the pain was a result of my emotions, rather than a structural issue that was still healing. I had never sprained or broken anything, so whatever may have happened ought to have healed on its own after a matter of weeks. 

I thought back to the time period when it started hurting and realized it coincided with a family member moving into our home. I had agreed to the move and knew it had to happen, and I resented it. A lot more responsibilities fell my way as a result of her moving in, and I was already maxed out with my kids, household upkeep, and my career. I didn’t say anything about my resentment because the move had to happen, so I figured there was no point in complaining or even raising the issue. Apparently I stuffed the emotions so far that they manifested as “shouldering extra burden.” It made perfect sense. Within three days of making this realization, my shoulder pain dissipated and I resumed all of my usual activities, including exercising.

I highly recommend both books if you want to learn more about the power of your own thoughts and how you can benefit from the healing properties of the mind.

Transform and Fly!

When people ask me what I do for work, and I respond that I’m a certified life coach, that usually isn’t enough for them.  They want to hear specifics – who I work with, what I specialize in, etc.  I share that I support my clients to transform some area of their life.  I realize the word “transform” has become trendy over the last several years, and perhaps some people cringe as they conjure up images of a “new age” gathering.  If there were a better word to use I would, but transformation is really what I’m up to!

 

Merriam-Webster defines transformation as “a complete or major change in someone’s or something’s appearance, form, etc.” I love the metaphor of the caterpillar changing forms into the chrysalis and then the butterfly. That is true transformation! I especially enjoy the fact that the butterfly has wings in the end…it has true freedom. The same is true for my coaching clients.  They choose any area of their life – career, health, relationship, whatever! – and they have a strong desire to reach their full potential in that area! I don’t tend to work with folks who just want to tweak something here or there; they can likely get what they want from a book if that is the case. My clients are working toward the type of freedom in their life where the sky really is the limit!

My clients who transform their life achieve amazing goals they once believed were out of reach. They complete a life project they had previously been blocked from doing for years. They start their first business. They double their income from the prior year. They find joy when they were once labeled depressed. They run their first race. These are examples of true transformation! Taking their lives to a whole new level.

So, what does it take to transform your life? It takes serious commitment to your life, and that means being in action! I task my clients each session with a challenge that will push them out of their comfort zones and continue to move their lives forward. The real work for my clients happens between our coaching calls. And eventually the magic happens….RESULTS! 

Consider if you want to make a minor tweak in your game or if you are ready to do the extraordinary and transform your life!