NLP: What is Possible in Your Life?

Earlier this year I became a certified practitioner in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) through The Empowerment Partnership www.nlp.com.  As I contemplated what to say about it here on my website, I marveled at all the directions I could go. NLP is a powerful tool and a way of communicating that allows us to reach our goals and achieve fantastic results in our life we never thought possible.  

I have used NLP techniques with my clients, family, friends and myself.  One of the more well-known techniques addresses how we limit ourselves through our beliefs.  One teenager I worked with played high school basketball.  She is cautious and is very uncomfortable making mistakes. In basketball, that translates to passing the ball when she is open to shoot it. Her coach actually benched her one game because she wasn’t shooting the ball even though she’s an outstanding defensive player. We took her limiting belief of “I can’t shoot the ball” and replaced it with “I confidently make great shots!” The next day during her practice she text me “OMG! IT WORKED! I’M MAKING SO MANY 3-PTS!”  The potential is huge not only for athletes but anyone attempting to reach goals higher than their status quo.

Another coaching client got some sad news about her best friend’s health a week prior to our session. My client was consumed by her sadness, crying on the phone and finding it difficult to be happy and keep doing what she needed to do. I worked with her to anchor joy, laughter, and strength. This allowed her to access her joy, laughter and strength by touching a point on her hand. When we spoke a couple weeks later she reported how helpful that was! She was able to be happy in the face of the bad circumstances and enjoy her time with her friend (who was laughing and joking herself!). Incidentally, her friend is through that dark time and doing great!

NLP also successfully kicks unhealthy food cravings. I used to LOVE peanut butter and honey! Mmm…at the thought of it I would wander over to the drawer for my spoon. Unfortunately, one bite has a lot of unhealthy fats in it, and I was gaining weight and feeling more fatigued as a result of my indulgence. Now, months after that 5-minute technique I have not once even desired to eat peanut and honey together.

These are just a few examples of how I’ve seen NLP work. Think of the possibilities in your life. NLP allows us to reprogram our unconscious mind, making way for tremendous successes in our lives! I’m excited to have this knowledge to enhance the coaching with my clients.

Are we talking about self-discipline or commitment?

Recently, several of my clients have expressed concern about whether or not they are disciplined enough to follow through on the necessary steps to meet their goals.  We think about self-discipline every day, don’t we? I do when I set my alarm a little earlier so I have time for exercise before I start my day, or when I hunker down and do my least favorite work, or as I go through my morning and evening routines with my kids.  Self-discipline has become such a common phrase though that I believe it has been diluted. It has lost much of its meaning, or perhaps we don’t really mean what we think we do when we use it. For many, it’s an excuse for not doing what we intend to do.  It’s so easy to say, “I don’t think I have the self-discipline to do that.” We fail before we begin!

I believe the issue is really about commitment, not discipline.  I’ll bet we can think of many times in our lives when we have exercised self-discipline.  Many of us have lost 20 pounds or more by being disciplined.  I know many people who started a business, and that took a lot of discipline.  Most of us have a job that we get up and do every day.  All of these are proof that we do indeed possess the ability to be disciplined, so the question we need to ask ourselves is: 

“Am I committed enough to the end result to exercise the discipline I know I am capable of?”

This is what I ask my clients - What’s it really worth to you to get to your end result?  How will it impact your life when you’ve written that book or lost that 50 pounds? Answering these questions help us connect with our own level of commitment. Discipline requires a focus that we’ll end up redirecting if our commitment is not great enough. For instance, I am committed to strengthening my muscles and having a healthy back. If my commitment is not strong enough to motivate me to wake up an hour early to exercise, I will turn my focus instead to staying up late the night before or sleeping in. Neither action is wrong. It is simply a choice. And I say, choose powerfully!  Make choices that best support the quality of life you want. 

Go back and answer the question, “What’s it worth to you?” Create a reminder for your answer, such as a photo or trinket you carry in your pocket or a pop-up reminder on your phone. Find something visual that will bring you back to how your life will be better once you achieve your goal. Remind yourself why you are committed to doing what it takes.  Recommit to your goals regularly – it could be hourly, daily, weekly – and your self-discipline will follow naturally.

What is a DISC Profile?

In coaching, the DiSC profile is a tested and trusted tool used to illuminate a person’s style of communicating.

Disctraininghub.com

D - Dominance
i - Influence
S - Steadiness
C - Conscientious

DiSC is highly accurate and has been used for decades. The DiSC concept was articulated by William Marston in the 1920s. Marston is a man of many talents, as he also created the polygraph and even the Wonder Woman character. 

The DiSC profile tells a coaching client how she communicates and how she views her environment. The beauty of the DiSC is that it also allows us to better communicate with others. As we become more familiar with DiSC, we can identify other people’s profiles simply through conversation. Once you identify their profile, you can know how best to interact and coexist with that person to have the most successful communication. 

Let’s explore this a bit further. We all have each of the DiSC components within us to varying degrees. A person who is highest in D is more results-oriented, a higher I profile tends to be more social than the others, a high S wants everyone to be happy, and a high C is concerned with being accurate and detailed.

Given that each of these people has different priorities, it makes sense that their communication styles would differ. The high D wants to cut straight to the bottom-line, while the high C wants to share all the details. This often causes conflict and is exactly the type of information the DiSC profile tells us that is so useful, so people can choose to adapt to each other in order to have successful communication.

It's common for companies to administer DiSC profiles to their employees as part of their management protocol. Many individuals want to know more about their DiSC profile in order to become a better parent, employee or entrepreneur. No matter what the reason for the assessment, the result is all the same – insight and information for improved relationships. 

The Difference Between a Choice and a Decision

Our words are powerful. We can upset or excite an entire group of people solely based on the words we use….even if the message is the same! 

An example is the subtle difference between a making choice versus making a decision. Most people use these words interchangeably, but they are actually derived from opposing natures.

Choice is about the power of making a selection or an option. Decide, on the other hand, comes from the same root as genocide, herbicide, or insecticide, meaning literally "to cut off."

When you make a decision, you look at all of your options, weigh the pros and cons, eliminate options based on various factors, and then go with what remains.

When you make a choice, you look at all of your options and select the one you want the most. This method of selecting is a powerful one. YOU have made the choice, and no one else is responsible for your results.  

Let’s say you have been interviewing for jobs and you receive three offers on the same day. You look at all the logistics involved with each offer – commute expenses, compensation packages, possibility of upward mobility, characteristics of the supervisors, type of work, etc. Then, by process of elimination, you “cut off” two offers and  decide to accept the third. That is a decision. There is nothing inherently wrong with this process, however, it does not leave you in a powerful position. If it turns out you don’t like the job, you may feel you have all sorts of people and circumstances to blame. Some of you may wonder what’s wrong with that. Well, when you blame external factors, you are likely to become victim to those factors… and you cannot change them. However, if you take responsibility for the situation, you are then in the position of bettering it for yourself.

Choosing means you make your selection and move on. You will undoubtedly have good reasons for your choice, but at the end of the day you are choosing it powerfully because you want that option. This process puts all the power in your own hands.

Next time you are faced with options, pause and ask yourself if you are choosing or deciding. If you realize you are deciding, consider turning it into a choice so you own the power!

Coaching is about partnership and empowerment

Over the last 15 years, coaching has become a household name. Prior to that time, we associated coaching only with sports. Much like a personal trainer, coaching is a partnership whereby the coach supports the client in meeting specific goals the client has established or the client and coach designed together.

The most exciting part of coaching is the empowerment the client gains through new perspectives, new insights into their own ways of being in the world, and new tools they learn and can use in the future.

Some clients who hire a coach want someone to hold them accountable so they reach an end goal they’ve been unable to reach on their own. For instance, a woman has had an idea for a writing a book for almost 10 years but has only a sketch of an outline on paper so far. As a coach, I won’t be the ‘bad guy’ cracking the whip to hold her accountable. I will, however, work with this client to look at what is blocking her from prioritizing this project and writing the book. Together we also come up with ways for her to succeed for the duration of the project and in other areas of her life. In addition, we set milestones which lead to the completion of the project.

During the coaching process, we address any obstacles that come up in the client’s life. The coaching ends up being about a lot more than the initial goal, and the results typically reach far beyond the client’s original hope.